Okay, so now that you have a rockin' profile that is a a great portrait of who you are, it's time to get out there and find some prospects. The one thing I learned pretty quickly when getting started with online dating is that many of the "normal" rules of dating don't apply. For example, an old-fashioned approach is to always wait for a man to contact a woman. Many women who get started online feel the same way and, therefore, don't maximize their dating opportunities.
Take into consideration why the people who are online sites decided to take that route. For a large number of them, their main issue with meeting new people is simply being shy. Even if they aren't, a lot of men love the attention received from women who are interested. This applies for you male daters as well. Intimidated by her profile? Big deal! What's the worst thing that can happen? She doesn't respond? And the best thing that could happen? Exactly!
On that note, it is important not to take things personally when beginning the correspondence stage of online dating. Face it – you aren't going to like everyone who contacts you and not everyone you contact will like you either. So what? Move on. As one dating website indicates in its name, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you make it personal, you are creating both an uncomfortable experience for the other person and also decreasing your chances of finding success in your online dating endeavor.
So, ready to throw that pole in? Here are five steps to help get you started.
Make a List of Your Preferred Qualities When Dating Online
Whether you believe in the law of attraction or not, it's still a good idea to get clear on what it is you want. I encourage people to make a list of the top 20 or 30 qualities they would like to have in a partner. This really helps you get a clear idea of what you are looking for when you start to go through people's profiles.
If it's helpful, you can further detail your list by highlighting your "non-negotiables" first, your "would like to haves" second and "nice, but not required" last. Have the list close to you when you start your search to keep you on track. Mr. Muscles may be a looker, but if he doesn't want children and you do, it could be a waste of time on both parts.
Keep an Open Mind About Who to Contact via Internet Dating Sites
While it is important to pursue someone who has similar interests and qualities included on your list, be sure you aren't looking with tunnel vision, either. A good way to get rolling is to pick five profiles that run the spectrum of what you are looking for.
The first one would be your dream date and the last one would be someone that you probably wouldn't consider at first glance. As long as they meet many of your requirements, don't be afraid to give them a shot. I think you'll be surprised at what you'll find!
Have a Friend Pick Out a Match for You
Ideally, this would be the same person who helped you prepare your profile to begin with. Have her look through your possible matches and choose someone she thinks would be compatible. Of course, your friend may be wrong! But think of all the people you have dated in the past that you thought were wonderful and turned out… not to be so wonderful. It doesn't hurt to have another pair of eyes look out for you!
It's Not a Race to Find the Perfect Person
There should not be a "due date" on finding someone. If you log on one day, see no one who meets what you are looking for, simply log off and try again the next day. There is no sense in playing the "square peg, round hole" game as hundreds of people sign up for online dating every day. Your Mr./Mrs. Right may be waiting to show up in your matches tomorrow.
Obsession is a Cologne, Not An Attribute
Like everything else in life, moderation is key. Online dating shouldn't run your life. It's just not healthy to be getting online to check your messages and matches 50 times a day. Your boss will probably be less than thrilled and you also don't leave much intrigue if you are responding to messages within minutes of receiving them.
Dedicate some "you" time each day to concentrate on your dating. I recommend looking for new matches in the morning, perhaps over coffee or before hitting the gym, and then checking your mailbox and responding to messages at night, when you have plenty of time and are in "chill" mode. Once again, if you are serious about meeting someone, it's important to take all the time necessary to do it well.
Have fun when dating online. People respond well to enthusiasm and will most likely appreciate the fact that you aren't taking yourself too seriously.